Earthian


the abridged script (by Harukami)

Kagetsuya: You're an idiot, Chihaya. Don't go near the Earthians.

Chihaya: I'll go near them if I wanna! BEE-DAH! runs off. comes back Look, this girl's in trouble.

Kagetsuya: Um...

Chihaya: We must save them! No, I'm being kidnapped!

Kagetsuya: CHIHAYA! runs off, finds him

Chihaya: Ow, don't touch it, it hurts!

Kagetsuya: lick

Chihaya:... it doesn't hurt any more! they run off

Kagetsuya: Let's wait a while before making a report 'cause I don't wanna hurt your feelings.

Chihaya: Okay! Sounds good.

next volume

Chihaya: NOOO! I have some horrible disease! Nonononono! Maybe this is why my eyes changed colour in this volume...

Kagetsuya: You don't have a horrible disease. It's okay.

Aya: KAGETSUYA, I LOVE YOU! flying glomp tackle of death

Kagetsuya: Urk...

Chihaya: takes advantage of the distraction to run away and see Cliff AKA Sapphire, a fallen angel, thus breaking Eden's laws and getting him in loads of $#!+

Sapphire: I'm not seeing anyone cause I'm dying and have this drug problem, sorry.

Blair: Go away. Shoo...

big men with guns run in, steal the sheet music, and shoot the record

Chihaya: NOO! That was the only record!

Sapphire and Blair get kidnapped and to save Blair's life Sapphire sings for the record company dude then gets shot

Chihaya: SAPPHIRE!!!

Kagetsuya: CHIHAYA!!! chases down bad guy with gun How dare an Earthian do that to an Angel!?! beats the crap out of the bad guy with gun, then remembers that Sapphire's dying Oh yeah... runs back to the marquee, where Sapphire had slowly crawled

Sapphire: tries to sing, but Kagetsuya puts the recorded music on instead. He dies.

Chihaya: SAPPHIRE!

Blair: CLIFF! CLIFF!!! CLIFFFF!!!!!

Kagetsuya: let's go home.

they go home. Chihaya weeps on a bed while Kagetsuya looks on uncomfortably

Chihaya: If I die, will YOU hold me to the end?

Kagetsuya: grabs him and holds him You're not going to die, stupid.

Next volume... apparently the war is OVER and Kagetsuya and Chihaya are living on earth as living... well, angels, or perhaps fallen angels; it's really unclear, but at least Chihaya's eye colour is back to normal.

Doctor: Tell me where my Taki is!

Lil Angel1: Your Taki's dead, stupid.

Lil Angel2: BEE-DAH!

Audience: Hey, why do those angels have black wings?! I thought Chihaya was the only one with black wings!

Doctor: NoooO! I will destroy the world for his death!!! And I'll spout poetry and act vaguely romantic as I do it! MWA HA HA HA HA!

Chihaya and Kagetsuya rush in to save the little angels. They separate

Chihaya: Hey, here's another angel!

Messiah:...

Chihaya: Hi there! I'll get you out... um...

Messiah:...

Chihaya: My name's Chihaya! What's yours? Oh, it's Messiah, I see! pops out his wings

Messiah:... Chi... Ha... Ya...

Chihaya: I can't get you out! I'll get Kagetsuya! runs off

Messiah:...Chihaya...

Kagetsuya:CHIHAYA! We gotta get out of here! It's gonna blow!

Chihaya; But...

they get out of there

Chihaya: But...

Elvira skids up in her car, almost running Chihaya over.

Lil Angels: Mommy!

Elvira: Hi kids! Let's get going!

the building explodes

Chihaya: But a black-winged angel was in there!

long scenes of depression commence

Chihaya: No, Kagetsuya! Not now! I'm not in the mood.

Kagetsuya takes a cold shower

Kagetsuya: Jewish Mother voice Eat, eat, you so thin!

Chihaya: You're so rough, Kagetsuya. I don't like you any more. Hey, look, that news channel showed MESSIAH! I'm outta here! Bai! dashes out

Kagetsuya: to self Well, shit.

Doctor: Here we go, my new Angel bioroid. Ain't he cool?

Americans: oooh, ahh...

Doctor: Now, Messiah, destroy them all.

Messiah: Ahhhh....

Chihaya: NO! MESSIAH! DON'T DO IT! It's ME! CHIHAYA! REMEMBER ME!

Messiah Remembers

Messiah: Chi... ha... ya?

Doctor: I said destroy them!

Messiah plummets into the ocean

Doctor: Well, shit.

long scenes of depression

Messiah climbs out of the sewers, messy and unhappy

Messiah: CHIHAYA!

new volume

Chihaya: NOOO... MESSIAH!

Kagetsuya: I can't bear to hear him talk in his sleep any more.

Chihaya: Hey, Kagetsuya. Help me find Messiah. He's alive, I know it.

Kagetsuya: All right, as long as you don't scream his name in bed any more!

Chihaya: goes over his head Goody gumdrops!

Messiah: Here's your drugs.

Drug lady: Get high with us!

Messiah: No. goes to his room and begins sorting through information, nekkid Chihaya? Chihaya? CHIHAYA!!!

Chihaya, somehow, hears and flies into the sky with Kagetsuya behind. Messiah as well flies into the sky

Messiah: CHIHAYA!

Chihaya: MESSIAH!

Kagetsuya: Well, fuck this.

Chihaya: I missed you!

Messiah: Me too! Let's go back to my drug loving friends!

Chihaya: Okay!

Kagetsuya: mutter mutter

Messiah: He's my special someone!

Drug guys: Cool. He an angel too?

Messiah: Yeah.

Chihaya: Um...

Kagetsuya: This sucks ass. I'm leaving.

Chihaya: But...

Messiah: Chihaya!

Chihaya: Messiah! But, Kagetsuya! I mean, Messiah!

people storm the castle... er, drug place, and stuff. People get shot. Messiah escapes with Chihaya

Kagetsuya: Well, shit. throws burning bottle and leaves

Messiah: This is my favourite church. At night those stained glass windows look just like you!

Chihaya: I'm touched!

Audience: IN THE HEAD! BOO!!! GO BACK TO KAGETSUYA, YOU TWIT!

people storm the castle... er, church, and stuff. People get shot. Chihaya and Messiah get carted off

Chihaya: I'm in handcuffs! How kinky... er, I mean... what am I doing here? MESSIAH!!

Messiah:Chi... ha... ya...

Doctor: Bwa ha ha! I'm erasing his memory so he'll destroy the world!

Chihaya: NO! MESSIAH!

Messiah:...

Doctor: Go forth and destroy!

Messiah: Ahhh....

Kagetsuya: NOOO! Chihaya!

Chihaya: Messiah! Messiah comes forward and rips his wing off OWOWOWOWOW!!

Kagetsuya: CHIIIIIHAAAAYYAAAA!!!

Doctor: pulls out machine gun and shoots at Chihaya. Kagetsuya dives in the way for some unforeseen reason, and gets shot

Chihaya: Kagetsuya? (What are YOU doing here?) NO, Messiah, stop! I thought we were friends!

Messiah: Chi... ha... ya? CHIHAYA! turns on Doctor You made me hurt Chihaya, you bastard! Now you must die! kills him I hurt Chihaya! Now I must die! kills himself

Chihaya: MESSIAH!

Kagetsuya:...

they are healing

Chihaya: sob Messiah...

Kagetsuya: Well, shit. My life sucks.

THeeeee ennndddd!