Chief Konoe leaned on his desk. "Now, you two. I'm sending you back to earth."

Hisoka nodded evenly. Tsuzuki perked up. "Does that mean I'm forgiven for-"

"Not yet. If you want to make up for the pastry incident, you have to do this job *well*." Tsuzuki pouted. Hisoka sighed. Chief Konoe resolved to ignore them. "As you know, the Count has noticed an inexplicable decrease in the gay population - and their souls aren't showing up here. All the boys who died were highly attractive, and all were frequent patrons of a club, the Red Moons."

Tsuzuki's eyes widened. "He learned all this from the candles and the book of the dead?"

"No. He was wondering why his usual flings hadn't showed up. That aside, one of the boys managed to fight back; they found hair clutched in one of his hands. And guess the colour?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "Uh.... black?"

Hisoka had gone still. "No. Platinum blond."

"Give the kid a cigar."

"Muraki!" Tsuzuki hissed.

"We think so, at any rate. It fits his M.O."

"Especially the gay thing," Hisoka noted, not noticing the puppy-eyes Tsuzuki was giving him.

Konoe rolled his eyes. "At any rate, you two need to infiltrate the bar as a pair of lovers; the killer apparently focussed on couples that had a lover's quarrel that night. The boys would split, and the killer would offer to take one of them out back to 'comfort' him..."

"Wait wait wait," Tsuzuki said. "I've read slashfic. I know where this is going. I mean, *every* 'they fight crime' show has slashfic on this premise. I've seen it for The Sentinel, I've seen it for dueSouth, I've seen it for From Eroica With Love. This is a complete and utter cliche!"

Hisoka was giving Tsuzuki a strange look. "...you read slashfic?"

"Cliche or not," Chief Konoe ground out, "you're posing as gay lovers or you. Are. Fired."

--

Hisoka wove his way back to the bar with a traumatized expression. He was shaking, through trying to stop it. Everywhere he went, there were people touching him. The least of it was an arm on his shoulder to get his attention or push past him, but he'd had hands ghost across his ass or crotch more than once. And there were so many emotions in the air. Lust, anticipation, anger, need, boredom, want, lustlustlust... He couldn't escape them. He needed fresh air, but he didn't want Tsuzuki to think... didn't want him to think he'd got hurt. He just needed fresh air. That was all.

"Tsuzuki," he said, voice hoarse. The music was loud and Tsuzuki, nursing a drink at the bar, didn't notice him at first. He shuddered, tapped Tsuzuki's shoulder with one finger, quickly - anticipationboredomedgeofdrunkenness - and withdrew his finger as fast as he could. "Tsuzuki-!"

"Aa?" Tsuzuki turned, grinned. "Yeah, Hisoka?"

"I need - fresh air. I'll just be out back..." To be honest, he wasn't anticipating it. He'd scoped around out back invisibly once already and passed more blowjobs than he'd seen in his life.

"Wait," Tsuzuki protested. "We're supposed to have sex now."

Hisoka stared. "What." It wasn't a quesiton.

"Well, that's how it always goes in the slashfics! The cop partners go to a bar and get very drunk, and seeing all the sexual fun going on around them, they get aroused! In the meantime, the badguy's shown up, so they get a room in order to maintain their cover, and end up having sex!"

Hisoka stared another moment. He felt a migrane coming on. Knowing it looked like he was every bit as angry as he was, he ground out, "I'm leaving. Have fun."

"Hiso-!"

Hisoka left. At least, he thought angrily as he headed to the alley, not noticing the platinum-haired man in white watching him go, they were playing the role of the breakup just fine.

--

"Tsuzuki."

"Hiso-" Tsuzuki turned, then froze. It wasn't Hisoka.

Muraki smiled. "Ah, yes. The boy. Would you like to know what I've done with him?"

Images curled in Tsuzuki's stomach, of blood-smears and bodies against walls. He was tired of this, tired of Muraki playing with them.

He lashed out before he could think, fist meeting Muraki's jaw with a resounding crack. Muraki had time for a startled look before he went down and didn't move.

"That," Tsuzuki told the bartender through gritted teeth, "is your serial killer. Call the police. I have to go check on Hisoka-!"

Hisoka, behind him, put his taser away with a disappointed look. "Uh, I'm fine."

"What?"

"The answer was 'nothing, yet'. He saw me head out and I figure he wanted to lure you out to the alley to have his way with you."

Tsuzuki's eyes shimmered alarmingly. "You're all right!"

Hisoka looked at him funny. "I said that already, stupid... MMPH!"

It was a pleasant feeling, Tsuzuki thought, muzzily, to have his tongue in Hisoka's mouth.

As they separated, Hisoka glared. "That was an utterly cliche thing to do."

Tsuzuki smiled. "I like being a cliche with you."