(Because there's a lot of time to think between the time a sword rams through you and the time someone turns you over to bind your wound.)
I am cold cold cold painted red like on a stretched canvas, red paint, red, and you look at it and say, "But dude, what is it?" And he says, "Hey, man, it's art, it's whatever you think it is."
It was when he touched me that I knew I loved Eli. I mean, I'm sure he touched me before that sometime, he had to have, he made me, he Created me, but it was that time when I was fighting with Saropiah, this Virtue I know, and it was just fun, such fun, I was totally caught up in it, grabbing whatever in a ring and throwing at him and he was laughing and lobbing things back until we ran out of things to throw and rushed together and rolled and rolled and rolled, I swear if I'm as bad as a Lilim about Virtues, it's all 'cause of Saro, and when he overpowered me and pinned me down, not too hard so I could still move, and he was laughing and then Eli leaned over us and touched me and said "tag" and that was it, I could pick anything up and it would work I could fight, even though I didn't fight, I don't like to fight, it was all in fun back then, all in fun, Saro was laughing.
Saro works for War now, Creation to War, and lots of us do, most of us, it's hard to find us now because Eli went to people and said, "Tag, you work for War now," "Tag, you work for Wind now," "Tag, you work for Lightning now" and he never came by to tag me for someone else and so I watched them go one by one and Eli said, "Be cool," so I thought, "Cool," and then Eli left and they call us the Forsaken when they think we aren't listening or when they're angry.
We're not Forsaken, he just has more important things to do.
Like he didn't warn us that the Watchers here were bad - "The Watchers probably already know you're here" - and that's it, no good, no bad, just art, whatever you make of it. But he told us, and he was there, and Beth's right, at least I saw him, I *saw* him, and even if I couldn't say I loved him, I saw him.
It's cold down here, and I'm in a pool of paint, blood-paint, I'm a paintbrush I tell myself, I'm picked up and dipped in red because that's what the artist needs of me, I'm a drumstick I tell myself, I'm picked up and hit and hit and hit because that's what's needed to make the music work.
Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani, I hear myself say into my blood, that is to say, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, why have you forsaken me and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I can taste her on my lips, and there was something beautiful about that, something about the taste of dreaming of humans floating slowly through their emotions and their art towards their Destiny, and that's what she tastes like, and I want to taste them all, want to taste the one of Fire and Passion and Inspiration and the one of Honor and the movement of muscle on muscle and to taste sometimes even the cold one, just to understand why he does this, why he judges other people's art, why he doesn't just say "That's cool, I think it's red because that represents the repressed passion of life," but instead says, "It's red, it's bad," but I can taste blood in my mouth and dream is slipping away.
Eli, Eli - don't think, just act, sweep across the canvas, leave your message of passion of life of red red red and it's okay, really, I tell him he's going to be okay, it doesn't matter who speaks in his mind, he loves and he honours and he's going to be okay, and she's going to be okay, her Attuned is fine, and he's going to be okay, he's calm still he's cold still he judges still, and she's going to be okay, she's an angel and she's full of fire and it's all going to be okay because it has to be okay because I love Eli and Eli loves me and Eli loves everything and so everything has to be okay because it's loved.
Cold down here, empty, and they say our Archangels can't hear us; I'm not forsaken, just unheard, and so it's okay, it is, and I want to be heard and I want it to warm up, warm, full, but don't think don't think, just act, just act, impact the drum, let your life ring out in red red, move towards the door, can't move, move towards the door, go to where you can be heard, where you can be heard, move, can't move, and I love and I love and warm healing washes over me and I can move again.
"Gotta get moving," I say, and everyone's okay, it's okay.