"We can't do it here," Ed hissed. "Are you crazy, you shit Colonel-"

But Roy was smirking, leaning in to lick the corners of Ed's lips with the flick of a tongue. "I think we can."

Ed backed up, found his back against the wall and nowhere further to go, unless he wanted to dive over the rail and to the stairs below. And it was tempting; while he wanted Roy - boy, did he want Roy - this was public.

He groaned, tilted his head as Roy's lips gently ghosted down his throat, shivered at the sudden nip Roy made, the wet suck of a hickey loud in the landing air.

"Asshole," he muttered as Roy's hand settled on the front of his pants, squeezed gently. "You're a fucking asshole."

They couldn't afford to go public; they couldn't afford to get found out. Better to play up his rivalry with the Colonel, pass it off as hatred. Better anything than being found out, fraternization, a full inquiry, his secret coming out, his brother being taken away --

Roy was such a bastard; he always had to walk the fine line of danger. And he'd be lying if he even told himself he didn't like it. He liked it too much, the risk thrummed in his chest, in his throat. He tilted his head back, watched the ceiling fan spin.

The Colonel's hands were steady on his belt, letting his pants fall to his thighs. Ed gritted his teeth as he felt Roy's hands on his hips, as Roy kissed his stomach, as Roy's mouth slid hot and slick over him.

He hated how he couldn't focus at times like this, how the world narrowed; it made it more dangerous, too dangerous. Everything was heat and the buzzing in his ears, and he almost didn't hear the footsteps until it was too late.

Roy pulled off abruptly and Ed scrambled for his pants, didn't get them up in time, before Armstrong's head appeared at their level on the stairs.

Armstrong stared at them in what seemed to be unmitigated horror, eyes wide.

"Colonel!" He cried, and his voice was thick with shock and horror. "How could you do this to a valient youth of the military-?!"

Of all the people-

"Major," Roy said, "I can expla-"

Armstrong's shirt went flying and he flexed at them, from far too close. "TAKE THE LIBIDO-KILLING SWEAT ATTACK!"

A sudden stench filled the room.

Ed tucked himself away and tried not to look. If he'd been aroused before, he sure wasn't now. Roy, too, had turned an interesting shade of green.

"HANDED DOWN IN THE FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!"

He didn't want to know. He really didn't want to know.