Ed entered the office with a look on his face like he was ready to commit murder. Roy blinked, taken aback.

"So," Ed drawled, stalking up to his desk and slamming his hands down, "I hear you've been SAYING things about me."

Roy searched his memory. "I often say things about you, Fullmetal."

"Lieutenant Havoc was sayin'," Ed said, "that you've been... making comparisons."

"Comparisons," Roy said, slowly. Had he been making comparisons?

Ed gave him an unpleasant smile, and leapt onto the desk. Roy found himself staring at a leather-clad thigh.

"And I just wanna tell you," Ed spat, "that I can do anything I want."

Roy blinked again.

"I can talk any kind of talk," Ed continued, hand on his hip. "And I know you just WISH you could do that."

"Uh," Roy said.

"Listen! I can make any woman mine."

Roy bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

Ed grinned at him sharply. "I can rock her body, and I can blow her mind, you know, because I know how to fuck her better ...better than you."

This was personal, now. Roy stopped smiling.

"And don't you wish you could be like me, with attitude, ego to spare?" Ed posed and Roy stared intently at his thigh.

Ed noticed. "So give me some truth - don't you wish you could kick it with me?"

Roy mouthed 'kick it', confused.

"Don't you wish you could look like me?" Ed demanded, and thrust. "Tell your momma to look out, 'cause all the girls know I look good in leather-"

Thoughtful, Roy looked up and down. Well, Ed did. "You're drunk, Fullmetal."

Ed smirked. "Come and get some."

"Oh well," Roy sighed. He grabbed Ed's ankle, and Ed flailed helplessly, fell backwards off the desk.

"I'm not drunk," Ed said from the floor. "I'm just showin' attitude."

"Mmm-hmm."

"Because I look good in leather, you know."

"Yes, Fullmetal."

Ed's voice was petulant. "Aren't you going to come get some?"

Smirking, Roy said, "I don't know. I'm thinking I should maybe invest in a change of wardrobe first."

Ed rose over the desk like a vengeful demon, propelling Roy off the chair. "You just don't get it. You're supposed to get some of my leather."

"Ah," Roy said, and he hadn't quite realized how comfortable the floor was. "I'd better get to that then."