Havoc looked up from lighting his cigarette and groaned.

The neighbours were at it again, and tonight, of all nights.

It's not that he had a problem with the neighbours getting lots of sex. In his opinion, they were welcome to it. It was a good thing, pretty fun with the right person, and his neighbours weren't bad people -- most of the time.

No, the problem was that they tended to have it up against his wall, very, very loudly.

And usually, he could let it go. At most, it was embarrassing, but ignorable. But when he had company over --

-- and not just any company but Fuhrer Roy Mustang --

-- well, that's when things got a bit awkward.

And it wasn't like Roy was even there to drink and chat and play cards, or anything fun like that, a mindset where it'd be easier to laugh it off. Instead, Roy was there because the office was being painted, and he wanted someplace to do his work in peace and quiet without having to deal with the paparazzi who'd been hanging around his house since his recent military coup.

Roy looked up when the enthusiastic moaning began, a perplexed look on his face. "Ah, Captain Havoc--"

"The neighbours," he explained, and sighed, tapping his cigarette out. "I've tried tapping on the wall before, but it's no good, they pretend not to hear it. And I'm not quite sure I'm up to going over there and asking in person."

Roy ahhed, and nodded with some sympathy. "What you should do, Captain, is have someone over and give them a taste of their own medicine."

Havoc blinked at Roy. "You think so, your Excellency?"

"It worked when I had the problem some years back." Roy rose, squaring his paperwork and stretching. "Well, I don't think I'll be able to focus on this for now. Care for a game of cards, or something?"

Leaving his smouldering cigarette butt in the ashtray, Havoc came around the table and put his hands on Roy's shoulder. "Your Excellency, it's a far braver thing you've volunteered to do than I imagined. I salute you, sir, and will follow you anywhere."

"...Huh?"

"Right behind you, sir," Havoc added happily, and spun him around, pressing him against the wall.

"Wha--?!" Roy squirmed a moment, until Havoc's arms came around him, one hand settling on the front of his pants. "Oh. Well I, ah, hadn't meant, but--"

"No no," Havoc said, reassuringly. "Don't talk, sir. You have to save your breath for later."

"I -- oh."

Strangely, it seemed Roy'd been right. He never did have that problem with his neighbours again.

But, well, he figured a regular application of the same treatment couldn't hurt. Just in case.