The confession would have probably cost Edward Elric a lot more pride if he'd intended to say it. Instead, it had simply slipped out at the end of a long and angry rant about his report, and he wasn't quite sure which he was more embarrassed about - the total failure he was reporting, or the implication that he wouldn't mind taking Colonel Roy Mustang for a spin.

Ed hunched his shoulders and glared at the Colonel. This was, obviously, all his fault.

Still, he had to admit to a bit of glee at seeing Roy Mustang, the great manipulator, He Who Had A Finger In Every Pie - totally at a loss for words.

Ha! he thought. Finally found something you haven't managed to anticipate? Not tracked EVERYTHING about me, eh? That sure showed him.

"Ah," Roy said, and managed to blink a few times and get his face back in order. Pity, it was nice seeing HIM catching flies for a change. "Well, Full Metal..."

"You know, I notice when you do that," Ed said, glaring, arms crossed across his chest.

"Do-?"

"Talking to me formally. I get it, I get what you're doing. You want to say, 'Remember, I'm your commanding officer, and you're my dog!' Right?"

Roy cleared his throat. "I wouldn't quite-"

Ed was on a roll, and there was no stopping him. "Ha! Like I care about your commands."

"I could," Roy said, not quite able to hide a hint of amusement in his voice, "have you court-martialed, Edward-kun."

Ed placed his gloved hands on the desk with an expression he knew was pure smug. "But you're not going to."

"But I could." Roy shook his head, ran a hand through his hair, and was every inch the Colonel again. "If we can return to business, Full Metal?"

Flinging himself into a chair, Ed slung a leg over the side and grinned. "How about the business I raised." Embarrassing or not, it had flustered Roy, and hell if he was letting that drop.

The Colonel's face was serious and distant. "Full Metal, you... are young."

Ed's eyes flared. "What? I'm too young for this, but old enough to be a dog of the military? Old enough to take the National Alchemist exam? Old enough to be sent on top military missions? Old enough-"

Roy raised a hand and for a moment, Ed was on alert, thinking, Oh, hell, he's going to set me on fire- but it turned out to be just a quieting gesture. Worked, too.

"Well, it's true. You are old enough to make mature, responsible decisions, and old enough to govern your life - and be governed by adult organizations. However..." Roy's face was bland, eyes showing no hint of emotion. "...It may be more appropriate to say that you look young."

"WHAT?!" Ed was on his feet and in Roy's face. "ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE NOT GONNA FUCK ME BECAUSE I'M SO SHORT YOU WANT TO STEP ON ME AND CRUSH ME?"

Roy watched him evenly from inches away. "...That about covers it, yes."

"WHY, YOU-!" To be honest, Ed had intended to shake Roy when he'd originally grabbed the uniform lapel. But Roy was used to that, Roy could handle that, so instead-

Mouth met mouth with crushing force, and Ed tasted blood as his lip hit Roy's teeth. Roy's body was tense, almost angry, and Ed knew it might come down to a fight at this. That's okay, he thought, mouth pressed to Roy's mouth. His fist was itching to punch the Colonel, but that was nothing new.

After a moment, Roy relaxed, and Ed grinned, sitting back in Roy's lap triumphantly.

"You do realize," Roy said, amused, "that everyone in the office heard you scream?"

Ed stared at him, then groaned.

Great. Roy had somehow managed to get the better of him again, without doing anything at all.

"I'll get you," Ed swore, poiking his finger against Roy's nose. "One of these days, I'll get you."

Roy smiled, smugly. "I look forward to it."

Ed scowled at him, then turned the words around and looked at them from another way.

Edward Elric grinned.