Roy was looking desperately as if he wanted to get back to work. "Uh-huh," he said weakly.

"So then she shoves me back against the seat and I'm thinking, okay, if it's just kissing, how much trouble can I get into? You know, it's not like it's anything most girls her age don't do ANYWAY. You know?"

"...yes."

Havoc groaned, leaning back in the extra office chair, ignoring the way Roy was inching the paperwork closer to him. "And the next thing I know, she's in my lap and squirming and, man, I've never gone out with a girl who's had as much a command over her tongue. I mean, hell, at this point, I'm thinking she uses that thing as a fucking screwdriver at work, or something. Bam. And I know that it's a bad bad thing, but I've got my hands under her skirt, see--"

"...Lieutenant, should I really be hearing this?"

"No, I need your advice!" Havoc insisted. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure the whole thing's going to get illegal pretty damn fast, only then Ed knocks on the door and I'm thinking, well, fuck I'm going to die, and if ED doesn't get me, Al will -- should have seen the way he was LOOMING, Colonel, I swear to god -- anyway. Ed starts screeching at Winry instead, all ... What the hell, we have to drive in that thing, couldn't she do that somewhere else where he wouldn't have to THINK about it, and she's sniping back and I'm just wishing I was somewhere else--"

"I can see why."

Havoc rose, wandering around to the side to get a better look at Roy. "But! God knows how she did it, but she managed to get them to leave us alone. Mood was already ruined at that point, so we just kissed a bit more and then I tried to recover my damn brain while she tinkered with the engine, and then we made a date for tomorrow night and, like, I'd LIKE to pretend that it'd all be, you know, up-front and okay, but I know that it's going to go someplace naked unless I cut it off soon, and I'm just thinking -- do you think that's bad? I mean, really?"

"Lieutenant, she's sixteen." Roy's face was grave. "You should be ashamed of yours--"

He was interrupted by the door slamming open, framing Ed. "God!" Ed snarled at Roy -- Havoc realized that he was out of sight of the door and edged a little further out of the way, flicking Roy's window curtain in front of him. Ed had been so mad, earlier. "Look," Ed was growling, stomping forward. "I don't care who Winry wants to get with, but we don't want to see it! She's like our sister, I don't need to see anyone's hands up her skirt!"

"Er," Roy said, his voice awkward.

"It made me feel downright dirty," Ed continued. "They were almost fucking all over the damn seat, and with Winry and Havoc's got a black eye coming to him."

"Well, ah, Fullmetal--"

"Urrgh, I need something to get the image out of my mind," Ed groaned, and leaned across the desk, snatching Roy by the front of the collar and kissing him firmly.

Roy mmphed into it, and pushed Ed back after a moment. "Fullmetal, I don't think that right now--"

"What's wrong? You usually like it fast and hard." Ed eyed him. "Is something--?"

"Later," Roy said, quickly. "Just -- ah, this paperwork has to get done now or Lieutenant Hawkeye will be in and I'd rather not deal with that."

"Fine," Ed sighed. "Okay, good reason. I'll be back in an hour or two. And if you see Havoc, punch him for me."

"Um."

There was a long moment of silence after Ed had stomped back out and slammed the door behind him. Havoc pushed the curtain back and looked at Roy.

"...Havoc..."

"Sixteen, huh?"

"It's not what it looks like," Roy insisted.

Havoc lifted an eyebrow, smirking. "Ought to be ashamed of myself, eh?"

Roy seemed to debate arguing for a moment, then just scowled at him. "Shut up," he said.

"I'm thinking I'll take her out to a movie," Havoc said, thoughtfully. "The new colour broadcast equiptment should get her pretty hot, I'd think."

"I hate you."

"And then back to my place. For, ah...." He made quote marks with his fingers. "Dinner."

"Get out of my office."