...and welcome back to Square Eye for the Straight Guy! Moving right along to victim - er, GUEST - two, here's Seymour with Tiiiiduuuuus!

[SUDDENLY SEYMOUR plays]

Seymour: [after music cuts out] "Thuddenly Theymour... ith there to provide youuuuu... with thweet underthanding... Theymour'th your...frieeeeeend! ...I love that thong."

Tidus: "..."

Seymour: "And THPEAKING about thongs, let'th take a look at the new improved Tiduth!"

Tidus: [stands in a sparkling pink thong, glitter in his hair, and nothing else] "Kill me."

Seymour: "Now THITH properly capthureth the 'J-rock boy band thtar' mythtique of Tiduth. In a few minuthes, we're going to do thomething with hith jacket - but firtht, to Anthem with Riku!"

[Scene shifts over to another part of the studio, where Ansem is standing, critically examining Riku]

Ansem: "Oh, HONEY, who told you to wear yellow and black? Darling, you look like a little BUMBLE-bee."

Riku: "I. Uh."

Ansem: "That'th cute, but it'th jutht not what we WANT here."

Riku: "Sora and Kairi seemed to like it."

Ansem: "Aha! Ith thith the confession of a crush?"

Riku: "SHUT UP! I WILL REIGN VICTORIOUS OVER SORA AND SAVE KAIRI AND THEN EVERYONE WILL LIKE ME AND-"

Ansem: "Oh, thweetie. I know. But firtht, thome fashion changes are necetthethtehary."

Riku: "Uh. They are?"

Ansem: "Uh-HUH. Here, let't jutht do a little pothehthehtehthion, and then..."

[Ansem blurrs, and fades into Riku, who arches and screams in an oddly sexy manner, sweat flying, as his clothes shift about him to a violet, black, and white bodysuit, the lines of which accent his form. Riku's amazingly muscular for a 15-year-old.]

Ansem: [disembodied voice] "Ithn't that better, honey?"

Riku: "I look... I look..."

Ansem: [disembodied voice] "THAY it."

Riku: "...Fabulous..."

[Camera cuts over to yet another part of the studio, where Ed and Envy are staring at each other in mutual hatred.]

Envy: [...snicker]

Ed: "No."

Envy: "Leather pants."

Ed: "Shut up."

Envy: "...l...leather pants..."

Ed: "I told you to shut up!"

Envy: "The shorty wears shiny pants! The shorty wears shiny pants!"

Ed: "SHUT THE FUCK UP! WHO'S SO SHORT AND TINY AND STUBBY THAT HIS SHINY PANTS DON'T EVEN SHOW A BULGE OVER HIS - Fuck."

Envy: [rolls on the floor laughing]

And now, a few words from our sponsers! Join us again after the commercial break for some more Square Eye for the Straight Guy!