"The problem," Orihime told Rukia around a mouthful of sandwich, "isn't that it hurt a little."

Rukia nodded, wide-eyed, expression one of absolutely no understanding. "It hurt a little, okay."

"That's normal," Orihime informed her. "I looked it up. Because you have this little skin that he busts when he goes in all like-" she punched the air, an imitation of Tatsuki at karate. "...and it's all ALIENSLIKE except nothing bursts out of your stomach. If you use protection."

"O...kay."

Orihime swallowed her sandwich. "The problem is that he didn't really do anything."

"You don't say?"

"No, he was all..." Orihime squeezed her eyes shut and vibrated rapidly. "Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-!" She froze, then flopped down onto the ground and pretended to snore.

Rukia stared at her. After a moment, her eyes lit up and she popped a fist into the palm of her other hand. "Oh! You and Ichigo had sex!"

Orihime pretended to snore a few moments longer before opening her eyes and nodding. "Well, um. He had sex." After a second, she flushed and flailed. "Don't get me wrong! I'm glad we did it, even if I didn't, uh, blast off! It was very sweet! And he didn't mean to hurt me or anything and all that but I don't know what I can do to make him go longer next time and aieeeeeeeeee-" Her face was getting redder and redder as she spoke until Rukia wondered, vaguely, if smoke was going to come out of her ears.

"I've complained about it before too," Rukia sighed. "He has all these powers and he's really strong with them while he's GOT them - he can do things that're damn near impossible for normal Shinigami. But he's just got no control over how much he uses at once."

"It's sort of cute," Orihime volunteered. "I drew on his face while he slept."

"What you have to do," Rukia suggested, "is, just when it looks like he's gonna go early, right?"

"Uh-huh?"

"You look over his shoulder at the door and wave cheerfully and say 'Hi, Mr. Kurosaki! What're you doing here?!'"

Orihime took Rukia's hands. "Rukia-chan..." she said, gratefully, "are you sure you're a Shinigami, not an angel?"

"Heh." Rukia smirked. "I try."