Ichigo scratched at his belly as he headed downstairs towards the kitchen, yawning. Rukia had spent most of the night arguing with Renji in his closet and suggestions that she move out had fallen on willfully deaf ears. Bitching at Kon really hadn't helped, as Kon's only response was that, hey, if it were him, he'd be in the closet with Rukia.

As he approached, he heard Orihime's voice and his eyebrows rose. She'd been coming over more and more often and earlier in the day since he'd started to date her, and tended to spend the time chatting with his family.

Or, worse, his father.

"...and THIS is one of Ichigo taking his first pee standing up-!" Isshin was saying cheerfully.

Ichigo broke into a run. It had been worse than he'd feared - his father had broken out the baby photos.

"Oh!" Orihime exclaimed, delighted. "He's so tiny and cute!"

"Mostly tiny," Isshin said. "Speaking of which, Miss Orihime, did he inherit my huge c-"

Ichigo kicked him off his chair. "Shut up and stay down," he snarled. He rounded on Orihime, grasping her by the elbow. "Here to walk me to school? We'd better get going now, better early than late-"

"Yikes - yes, okay-" She let him drag her out, snagging her school bag from beside the door. "Bye, Dad-in-Law-!"

"Come again soon!"

Hand stuffed in his pockets as they walked, Ichigo muttered, "Look, Orihime, my dad's just a bit of a kook. You shouldn't let him-"

"Ichigo? What did he mean by his 'huge c-?'"

He looked at her, helplessly. He knew that if he didn't tell her, she'd probably start asking around or make something up. "...Chocolate," he said, lamely. "See, my dad's pretty weird, he made this giant chocolate when I was born and passed it on to me years later when it had already gone bad."

"Ohhhhh."

"Yeah."

"I like chocolate! My brother used to buy these GIANT ones and I'd put 'em all in my mouth at once!"

"That's. Uh. Good. I mean, uh, chocolate is, well-"

"Why are you blushing?"

Ichigo coughed. "Hey! Is that the bell?" He took off towards the school.

"Hey - hey, Ichigo, wait up!"